I was in Euston station, amidst the usual hustle and bustle of trains and tubes, taking a flight of stairs swept up in the rush and crush of humanity.
Just starting her climb up the same flight I was hurtling down, a woman with a crutch and a cumbersome suitcase was agonising about manouvering herself and her load.
I stopped and asked her if she needed some help but she brushed me off, refusing my support even though it was obvious she was struggling.
This brief interchange stays with me. I wonder what it was in her that could not receive my care? Why did she not allow herself a moment of ease?
I can't speak for her, but her reaction struck a cord in me. You see, I have a limiting belief that I am all alone in this world and that only I can rely on myself to give me the support I need.
I began asking myself: Where in my life do I refuse to receive support?
Life is kind! I started having conversations and experiences that showed me precisely where this self sabotaging belief trips me up.
When I don't allow myself to receive the support of others and I don't state my needs I get frustrated/angry/resentful when people don't meet them. This pulls me out of relationship with them and I feel alone.
When I tell myself that it's easier to hoof the burden than let someone else do it because...they'll mess it up /they'll say no/I'll be judged as weak-needy-a burden, I become overwhelmed, depressed, bitter.
When this belief crops up, I make life harder for myself, I isolate myself from the goodwill of others and I am not allowing myself the pleasure of feeling the relief and honour of someone else's support.
In short, this belief contracts me. When I am not open to receiving what life can give, I am closed off from the brimming potential of the waking world. I shrink away from life.
And...I am not alone in carrying the arrows of this limiting belief either. So many of us hold this idea that we are not supported and it plays out in so many destructive behaviors.
My wish for you is that, at this festive season of giving and receiving, you open yourself to receiving the highest and the best for yourself. That you become aware of the ways you prevent yourself from being fully alive and present in the world and that you find the courage and willingness to put theses stories down.
It is a delicate journey but the rewards are heartfelt connection, grace and ease.
May we continue to awaken and open our hearts to receiving the gifts others are waiting and willing to give to us.
with pure delight